The ‘Borge is back with is critique of round three of the VPCIII.
I’m starting this one relatively early for a change, it just happened to fall on an all-right day for me to take a listen. Also, people may notice that my rating scale has changed. The reason for that is the rating scale on the official ranking tumblr changed and is now a 10 point scale. I’ve kind of wanted to use a 10 point scale from the beginning so I had no issue with this and will make my rating scale whatever the rating scale they give me, but it’s worth noting that I do use a 10 point scale differently than I use a 5 point scale so I ask that you read my comments and don’t just look at the score.
1-Up and MC Ohm-1 | Corny Pickup Lines Pt 3
This team, always, ALWAYS sounds like they’re having fun in every song. That is something that I appreciate in this. And this song was fun, floaty and corny, it wasn’t a bad song by any means. I don’t know if I’d say it worked for the challenge though. This song wasn’t like “how to make corny pickup lines” or “how to win over someone using corny pickup lines” it was just corny pickup lines. I also, didn’t find any of the pickup lines in the song to be all that clever, I mean corny is one thing but I was hoping for something to make me laugh and none of the lines did. The delivery made me smile though and the part at the end about having the confidence to laugh at yourself was great. I enjoyed the hook a lot, it was catchy and fun. I’m going 6 out of 10 on this one.
2d6 | The Challenge of the Round was To Teach The Judges Something While Using A Non Standard Time Signature And Constantly Evolving Instrumentation
I was interested when this song was about framing a sentence but I’m not sure anyone could actually pick up how to do so from listening to the song, which doesn’t REALLY matter, I just think it would be cool if it actually taught me something. The rapping was kind of slow and incomprehensible at the same time and the mixing was kind of muddled, and it was very hard for me to distinguish anything that was said. The beat got monotonous pretty quickly and the Shrek references entertained me but were a bit much. I did however laugh out loud when it dissolved into a rant at the end of the song and that’s not just because I was name dropped, although thank you for that. While the namedropping doesn’t help your score it DOES help your chances of staying on my music player so that I can obnoxiously play it for people to show them how valuable I am to the community. Anyway, I went 4 out of 10.
An Hobbes and 2 Ton 21 | To Be A Kid Again
I enjoyed the concept of this song, and for the most part I enjoyed the song itself. One thing I really didn’t like was the slowed down Japanese singing which I suppose was supposed to invoke a memory of old school Japanese cartoons. I watched a lot of Japanese cartoons and shows and the theme songs are very uptempo and cheery and this slowed down thing REALLY didn’t work for me, and I don’t think it got the feeling you were going for with this song. Other than that I think you guys did a pretty good job. The lyrics weren’t exceptional but they made me smile in kind of a “Yeah, I do that” kind of way and it all comes together well. I give this a 7 out of 10.
Antisoc and Mayor Wentz | Show Me How To Home Brew
When I saw this title I crossed my fingers and I hoped that this wasn’t going to a play on Show Me How to Blow Dudes. I hoped so hard for that and I knew I was probably going to be wrong. The fact that this song was a play on Show Me How to Blow Dudes, even if it wasn’t EXACLTLY in tune with that song, it was obviously inspired by it and similar enough to it to hurt my enjoyment and that really cancelled out a lot of the good will I automatically bestow on any team that legitimately tries to teach a skill. I’ve quite enjoyed this teams production up until now, but that doesn’t extend to here. I found the beat in this to be ear-fuckingly screechy. The actually content of the song is the high point because while I don’t know anything about home brewing it seemed like Kyle was actually giving instructions on how to do that and it flowed pretty alright. There was a part where Kyle broke flow to indicate a waiting period which was fine completely. My criticism in regards to that is the beat didn’t reflect the break in flow. The beat stayed just as relentless and just loud through it and it really didn’t work. Honestly as far as my song problems go, this group has been the most inconsistent. Last round I hated their content but liked the beat and this is the total opposite. I give this song a 3 out of 10.
B.A.T. XoMilk | SeXoC
I’m going to describe this song this way, it’s a very good song, that fits the round very well, that I will NEVER EVER listen to again. This is not your typical nerdcore sex song. This is not your typical XoC sex song. I went into this expecting, I don’t… something funny. I was never in a million years expecting a very graphic, very detailed song about foreplay. I’ll be honest, it’s a little uncomfortable to listen too. Not because I’m offended by it or anything but because it feels private. It feels like something I shouldn’t be listening in on. I feel it goes a little too far. I don’t know, I guess I should review the song as a song. It’s very descriptive and the beat is very sensual and fits the song well. It’s a very well made song and I gave it a 6 out of 10.
Beefy and Tanner4105 | Ace of Base…..ball
This song is very interesting. Interesting in this case, does not mean “good” necessarily. This move to interesting, I think is a welcomed change from Beefy’s presence so far in this competition, who I feel has been making good songs that aren’t very interesting. The song is Beefy rapping about baseball over a weird alternative version of “Take me Out to the Ball Game” and I’m not sure it actually teaches how to play baseball. It seems to just be talking about playing it. In terms of like, actual quality I feel like this is the least technically “good” song this team has made this competition, but it’s so out there that it will probably be the song I remember from them after all this is over. Anyway, I gave this a 6 out of 10 mostly for giving me something I didn’t expect at all.
Delerat and DJ Skull Kid | Mahjong
I feel is a team of great concepts and great writing, but poor execution. Well, first of all, the beat isn’t awful but it doesn’t scream Mahjong to me and it was kind of boring. Here’s the thing, this song, lyrically, is pretty good I think. And the second half of this song is better. Like the beat is more interesting, the rapping is a bit more on an interesting pace with what feels like more interesting cadence, but you have to suffer through the first verse to get there, and the first verse is so monotonous that it drains me. This isn’t like the first half is whatever and it picks up in the second, the first half is, presentation wise, awful and it picks up to okay in the second half. I like Mahjong and I really wanted to love this song, but I didn’t and I’m going to have to give it a 4 out of 10.
FiberOptic Illusion | Madman’s Handbook (A Gentleman’s Guide To The Art Of Madness)
This song starts with the line “Remember. Oh I wouldn’t do that. It’s quite dangerous you see, and the stress could make you fat.” This is the first thing you hear the rapper say when you start this song. This line might when my “Yo, my name is Harry” worst lyric award of the round. I feel this song is going for a fuck with your brain madness feel to it but it isn’t dark enough to fully do that. This song is too simple to fully grasp feelings of madness and it’s not dark enough to feel as tortured as it wants to be or at very least as I would want it to be. Aside from that it doesn’t really try to show anyone how to do anything. I guess it was how to be crazy, but it never really felt like it was trying to teach people how to be crazy, just that the main character of the song WAS crazy, and to be honest never hit that peak of crazy enough, or like dark crazy in an entertaining way. There is a part near the tail end of this song where the beat rises getting more and more messy and while it’s not the most astatically pleasing thing it’s the only time the song feels as crazy as it wants you to think it is, it just comes too late and isn’t done as well as it could be. I will go 4 out of 10 for this song.
GODCOMPLEX | Humble Antitelephone
This song is less an instruction guide to building a time travel device and more of the story of this guy who does build a time travel device. However, it does include a description as to how he does it so I think that it’s perfectly fine. And you guys know what, this song is great. It’s a fun concept, the beat is interesting and enjoyable without completely overpowering everything and Press B flows well. I think the singing wasn’t a strong point, and Beakers “come at me” monologue at the end wasn’t necessary. Also, this song broke one of my rules by including the words “timey-wimey” in it which I swear is a rule I have all the time for this competition and should result in an immediate one point deduction so you guys can decide whether or not I went through with that. All that being said, I honestly think you should get someone else to do the hook (sorry Press B) and cut out the monologue at the end and rerelease this song. It’s really good and I think with those changes it could be amazing. This song gets an 8 out of 10.
Jollimus and LampedGod | I Guess This is a Thing
I did not go into this song with high hopes after seeing the title, and I wasn’t wrong. Jollimus’ flow sounds bored. Just bored. Honestly, I’ve heard Jollimus rap songs with a flow that sounds like he’s bored and have the songs turn out entertaining; this was not one of those songs. Lyrically, some of this song was kind of funny. Nothing made me laugh out loud, but some of the lines made me smirk. The fact that so much of this song was dedicated to taking pictures of butts kind of killed it for me though in terms of entertainment. The beat here wasn’t awful but it wasn’t my favorite. Not that it really matters because I doubt Niik is actually going to read anything I write but the only real issue I had with the beat is that new instruments or sounds that came in did so in a very jarring way and everything sounded terrible for a second or so after a new sound came in until I got used to it in conjunction with everything else. Ultimately, I gave this song a 3 out of 10 for some kind of funny lines.
Kordlyss with Mozart Von Robot | Steps To Suckcess
This is an interesting song because it is among the most unpleasant songs to listen too, but it’s like that by design. When this song started with like Tasmanian Devil from the Looney Toons samples I wanted to shoot myself in the head. Then the flow comes in and does everything intentionally as awful as it possibly can, and that’s the genius of this song. It shows exactly what it’s trying to show by telling you how to be a bad rapper and also demonstrating it to you. I hate this song and love it at the same time. Now, I’m never listening to this song again after I have to, make NO mistake about that but I do think it’s kind of clever. I can’t even call this song enjoyably bad, because there is nothing to enjoy about the song except as a conceptual piece. It’s the most conflicted I’ve been about scoring a song so far, which translates to a 5 out of 10 in the end.
Marco Yolo | HOW2L2
Well… no. I hate this song. I really really have a hard time trying to listen to this song for more than 30 seconds. The flow is that mumble things with a lot of louder mumbling and the beat does nothing to help me want to try to figure out what Ill Gill is saying. There’s nothing more for me to add to this, I really can’t make it through this song. I give this a 1 out of 10.
Rhyme and Reason | Necromancy: How To Go From Rigor to Vigor By Way of Pseudoscience
So, Klopfenpop and 3P seem to enjoy Frankenstein quite a bit because there were definitely some allusions to it here and also Klop’s Villain of the Day verse, I guarantee there’s other stuff too that I forgot as soon as I started typing this. The beat here fits very well. It’s a bit monster movie feeling and I love it. And, you know what, they taught me how to affectively raise the dead by accepted modern standards on such things. If I was planning to raise the dead I could feasibly do it by listening to this song. This song is a pretty neat idea and it’s entertaining to listen to, pulling off a bit of a story within the song and I really enjoy this. I will give this an 8 out of 10.
Shubzilla and Lex Lingo | Also Add Garlic (Lumpia’s Cookin)
This song gets my “teaches an actual skill” bonus. Can you actually make Lumpia from the instructions in this song? I assume so. I know painfully little about cooking of any kind so I’m not going to attempt it. This song has a beat that immediately makes me want to bob my head. The beat is so good, I constantly get lost in it and I’ve had to listen to the song a few times to get a feel for the lyrics, which isn’t a probably because this song is REALLY GOOD and I want to listen to it over and over again. The “lumpia cookin” hook is simple but effective as hell. And the #fucksteveperry section near the end of this song might be my favorite fuck you to Steve so far. “None for Steve” killed me. While I’ve liked stuff both Shubz and Lex have done before, if you had told me they would have my favorite song two rounds in a row I wouldn’t have believed you, but they really do. This song gets the only 10 out of 10 I will be awarding this round.
Team Krunktaku | How To Be A Supervillain
When I saw this title I thought to myself “I’ve seen this topic before I’m probably not going to care for this.” I was wrong. I underestimated KadeshFlow, and sometimes I have to admit when I’m wrong. I feel like I’ve felt like KadeshFlow lacks originality in the past, and while this isn’t the most original concept in the world, the execution and character building here is really good. Maybe, I’d say some of the comparisons to other vllains in the song were a bit unnecessary, the one to Kefka comes to mind. And I just say this because I feel like the character descriptions here work fine on their own, but none of the comparisons took me out of the song. The beat was very long hall before a final boss feeling and I loved that as well. Unlike the other song about supervillains I felt this one talked about the process of getting to supervillainy better which fit more in line with the theme of the round. This song came together in a really cool way and I gave it an 8 out of 10.
Team Shredtek Zalenka | Ice the Cake
More than any other song so far by this team, this song showcased the inexperience of the rapper. I didn’t love the production here like I did previous rounds but I liked it, I don’t know if it screamed cake-icing to me but it was nice to listen too. This song is about icing a cake, and it’s kind of a goofy concept, not my favorite, it just seems like something that’s easy to rap about and it’s not really teaching anything nor is it silly enough to be a silly song but concept aside the lyrics were showcased more here than any other round and they were very very simple, to the point that they became uninteresting for me. I gave this song a 5 out of 10 because it wasn’t an awful listen, but I’ve definitely heard this group sound better. It was kind of boring.
SpaceMasters | Money in the Bank
I can’t think of a less interesting topic for a song to be honest. And I realize it’s probably important, but that doesn’t mean I need to listen to a song about it. But whatever, there are other songs about mundane things that I ended up enjoying a lot because of presentation and that didn’t happen here. The hook went on for just long enough that I started zoning out and missed half the next verse. This song is just boring. I honestly liked the Blockbuster song better through the “why?” factor alone and this is just kind of dull. I went 2 out of 10.
Tribe One and Bill Beats | Conflictions
This song started out with a sample of Trololololo which instantly set me up to hate this song, but fortunately that ended quickly enough and never came back. When I first started hating this song I thought the beat was good and the way Tribe One was putting lyrics together was neat but I thought he sounded not as interested and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this song as well. The Twin Peaks backwards talking mixing was neat but I wasn’t completely won over yet, however the second half of this song from about 2:08 to about 2:48 is quite possibly the greatest 40 seconds of any song in this entire competition. Every new thing brought up in this section made me very pleased. This song gets a 9 our of 10.
Whoremoans and Navi | Good English II: Bad Accent
This is my favorite concept of the round. I love this concept so fucking much. Finally, now everyone can assimilate well into the western culture that wrecked theirs, all they have to do is follow the steps of this song. The flow here is so weird that the first time I heard it I wasn’t sure about it entirely but after the second or third time I was in love with it. It felt accusatory and certain (until the very end) and I loved it, especially the absolutely uncertain “I think” at the very end which was a stroke of genius. The hook was simple but pretty effective. The lyrics, the commentary, the delivery were all great and I give this song a 9 out of 10.
Team Hanna Barbaric | How to Lay a Laminate Floor
Alright, most of the people reading this probably know this but just for the sake of putting it out there this song was disqualified for having a 4/4 time signature… I guess is what happened. Either way this song wasn’t able to be released in the competition but Team Hanna Barbaric wanted to put it out there anyway, so I figured it was only fair that I review it.
Honestly, I like it quite a bit. Lavos’ flow seems pretty YTCracker inspired, actually if nobody had said anything I’d probably have totally believed that this was a YTCracker demo track. This song gets my “actually teaches a practical skill” bonus. I find writing about how to laminate a floor to be really interesting. The beat isn’t super amazing or anything but it fits Lavos’ intensity WAY better than anything else they’ve done this competition. I don’t know if anyone could actually laminate there floor following the instructions in this song, it went by pretty fast and some of the words were hard to understand. For example there is a phrase that is repeated a bunch near the end of the song and even after listening to it repeated over and over again I still couldn’t decipher what the phrase was. Either way, it’s a good song and I enjoy it’s premise. I would have given it a 7 out of 10.
Tekforce and Ish1da | How To Skip A Round
I already made this joke. But seriously, the fact that they made a graphic for this almost stands as a conceptual art piece. I really want to give this a 10 out of 10… which is why I should never be a judge. WILL SHOULD GIVE THIS A 10 OUT OF 10 FOR ME.